Poetry experiment

A short while back I dabbled in what can best be described as poetry. Some of it more so than other of it (yikes)I decided to set these ramblings down to paper. Since no one is gonna read the paper I am now transcribing it to the e-universe. Remember folks you heard it hear first. If poetry isn’t your bag, no worries, cuz apparently it isn’t mine either 😉

A snapshot in language

Snapshots of the mind
Change your film
Check the shutter speed
Is there enough light?
There’s always enough light
Take the picture!

untitled

Forward I move, looking
Seeking that which I can’t explain
An aging man running forward
running forward to turn back

Seeking accomplishment
playing with language
egaugnal (don’t try to say it)
wanting to grow young
but preparing a legacy
and, and
my knees ache

A cool Spring evening (aka a maduro on the porch)

The breeze blows softly
the aspen leaves applaud each breath
Smoke curls up and wreathes and idea
the church steeple is lit with a crown of white light
voices waft from the open windows
Orange, white and purple
No stars yet , no moon
A cool spring evening
there is clarity in the smoke
dreams , dreams of past
dreams of future
and the breeze blows, a muse
the ideas fresh, like the breeze

A stone garden
People gather to remember
to connect to great deeds
connect to selfless acts
connect to the seeds of the garden
once people, like us
do the seeds know
we are trying to connect

We don our costumes, speak our lines
eulogies, declarations, memorials
music is played, histories read
we are done
now we return to our own deeds
our own selfless acts
to leaves as seeds for the stone garden

cobblestones
you see them peeking
sneaking up through the pavement
the red shapes, square of stone
the pavement splits like skin
like bark on the london plain
with layers underneath
and you think, “why did they leave them?”

fall
the cool crisp air dried his hands
it cracks like old paint
on the barn door
too much sun

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Change

 I’ve often said to to folks, the one thing you can count on in this world is change. Its scary, exciting, exhausting, a lot of things, but mostly, inevitable. Changes comes to everyone and everything. It comes to those who wait, as it comes to those running scared and panicky from it. Best way to deal with it? Let it wash over you like a warm bath. Let what was, find a home in you’re memories and prepare to embrace the inevitable change. Some of it will be good, some of it will be bad but you really have no control over its coming, just how you react to it. 

   In the last four years I changed from one job to another,radically different one. My new job, I’ve embraced with great passion and fervor but in return I’ve given up a great deal of what I thought  defined me. I guess what I’ve begun to realize is that one is best defined from within. What is inside is always with you and you can take it with you when the change comes. If you seek definition from the outside, your actions, endeavors, how others see you,  you’re in for a bumpy ride because that’s probably gonna change. I see it all around me, contemporaries especially, defining themselves by what they do or have done and then the change comes along, wipes all that out. Suddenly they find themselves like an empty barrel rolling down a particularly fast and bumpy river. 

Change is coming, pack light and embrace it. Change is part of living.

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Golden

This year I turned fifty. At times I feel every second of those fifty years. However, as I sit here typing this blog on a small hand held device whose primary function is a cell phone, I feel pretty lucky to be around in such times. In a way I feel sorry for some folks younger. Their experience takes all these marvels for granted. When I was born 50 years ago things were a lot different. We’ve come very far, very fast and I’m clever enough to understand that.
I spend a great deal of time with people much younger than me . This has the interesting effect of making feel like I’m still rocking my prime but at the same time it can remind how much more time I’ve been here then they have. Folks often say to me “oh you’re not old” and don’t get me wrong I realize that too. I know I’m not 30 any more and some of the parts are wearing out and the hair I have left is pretty much white but I look at my 50 years on this planet as an achievement. I see it as a badge of honor, I’ve survived a half century on this crazy planet and have done some pretty dangerous things in that process. So if I point out, in a humorous and self effacing way, how old I am, it’s just my way of pointing out “I have some mileage and all the knowledge and experience that comes with it” so keep that in mind. Age is just a number but experience is undeniable and it’s for real. When I say I’m golden I ain’t kidding. I’m not the oldest person you’ll meet today but I may very well be the coolest. (Perhaps one of the cleverest)

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A little slice of heck

It always amazed me how seemingly dissimilar experiences can share so many traits that its hard not to feel that deep down inside they are all the same, a glimpse of damnation.
Life is full of precious moments that get seared into our memories, waiting in the emergency room, being at court or a trip to the DMV.
  Let me tell ya about the DMV. They send a notice indicating that your liscence is about to expire and afford the following options.
  Go on line fill out the form and pay with you credit card, bam, good to go, can do with your morning coffee and never break a sweat…right? Oh hell no, because ya see, you have to get an eye exam and then transcribe the info from said exam along with identity of the eye care professional who did the exam, presumably for a fee. So now the price of renewing online has an added cost. Renewing by mail is not much better as it still entails the visit to the fully acredited eye care professional for an eye exam, the results of which are recorded on a special and mailed with your application for renewal. Again the cost of renewing remotely is increased by the amount of an eye exam. Mind ya now, it says no less than three times on the notice they send, that you renew by mail or on line don’t come to the DMV if you don’ t have to. Well but it well cost more and you gonna have to go to the eye doctor anyway.
So what awaits you if you go for option #3?
Option three is the actual trip to the DMV. Years ago this was unavoidable and the experience was legendary in its pain and suffering. Now, despite the many people who use option one and or two, the visitor experience at the DMV remains an experience worthy of Dante. The only thing thats changed since the 20th century is the length of the suffering otherwise the experience still, truly sucks

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Three cheers for the app

Got a free app for my tablet device that allows to blog my ass off. How do you like me now?

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Okay now what?

This is the first bit of writing I’ve done, since I bid adieu to the Department of Correction (as an employee, not an inmate, although one wonders at times).

Now the question is , what now? I have been on the big vacation(its a 10 month run before I use up all my time) for about 6 days. Now I wasn’t expecting a nobel prize or anything like that but, whats a body to do with this free time.
I sure don’t miss getting up at 4:30 in the morning everyday but I am a little bored.

I guess one needs to get used to these things…give it time so to speak.

Well I have visions of what I should be doing I just need to follow thru on them…..hey how about that Anthony Weener 😉

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Musings of middle age

First of all,God I hope its just the middle, that would put me in the 90’s at least. Had an uncle who lived til he was 91 or so, so I have a shot.

Generally I avoid writing about things that are too personal, partly because some sort of social neurosis I have and partly because I think it pretentious on my part to presume anyone wants to hear about my personal life or thoughts. So I stick to cheeky commentary on the news and local current events and other such nonsense.

Lately though I have been more than preoccupied wit the changing of long time conditions in my life. A number of things have occurred or are occurring that have precipitated this preoccupation. I am rapidly approaching the point when I can leave DOC and move on to something else. This includes leaving the band and no longer doing all the cool and sometimes not so cool gigs I’ve been doing with them over the years.

Also, as a piper, you can imagine, I go to a lot of funerals. Well lately some of those funerals have been not only folks I know, contemporaries but some of them friends, some my own age, some younger.

These things make you reflect on priorities, concerns and accomplishments. Well they’ve been making me reflect anyway.
Questions like have I been wasting my time all these years doing certain things a certain way? Did anyone give a damn? Did I do the right thing?
I know I’ve made mistakes but have they been out weighed by any good I may have accomplished? Of course there are no hard and set answers to these questions, your friends will say yes, your enemies will say no and everyone in between will say who the hell are you.
Reflecting on the past is not too useful a thing, as the past always looks different in hindsight and really there’s nothing you can do about it except perhaps learn from it. I’m trying.

A friend of mine died in the last week and I played at his funeral, it was a well attended affair and though sad it was a great reflection on his life. Shortly after that event, an incident occur that wrongly made me question my ability to lead and make decisions. I know I should not have let it get to me but I did. It still bothers me but I haven’t let it paralyze me. Also this week I did something very different, I played with a band where I was not in charge and everyone could play the music and it was a very interesting and fun time. It wasn’t what I thought it would be at all, by any means but it was so different than what I had gotten used to over the years that that it removed all doubt as to whether some of the changes I’m gonna make are the right thing to do.
For my sake and the sake of the people I love, they will be the right thing to do.
This chapter of my life is rapidly coming to a close and it had its moments and perhaps I will reread it some day and smile but its time to move on.

Its time to shake out the old , and embrace the possibility of the new. Its time to discover different things, to look at the world with fresh eyes, to say “why not” instead of “why”. It time to lose some old baggage, whether its kept in my mind or the address book of my cell phone. Its time to make new friends, and make people smile with all the good I have to offer. A wise man once told me that a person has to embrace life and enjoy it, we only get one shot at this and there are no dress rehearsals. I’m inclined to agree. Go out, hug someone you love, smile, laugh and enjoy what you can. Open that bottle you’ve been saving, eat that twinkie.

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